**Inspired/stolen from @setsurenka

Welcome to my informal, living will.

In the case that I die / become incapacitated unexpectedly, my last wishes are publicly posted here, for my family & close friends to carry them out.

• NOT-SO-CERTAIN DEATH:  
A] coma:  if given a Glasgow score of 9+ & I fail to progress to a vegetative state, don’t give up hope even if it takes a few years; if score < 9 & I fail to progress after 6 months, terminate. 
B] vegetative state:  terminate after 3 months

•Cremate me in a jar that says “I’M WATCHING YOU” because I don’t like the idea of rotting underground. & if I were to ever return as a zombie one day, I’d probably have too much fun trolling the shit out of you all. Just sayin’. 

THE EXCEPTION: If there is any speculation at all concerning manner of death (like murder, possibly-staged “suicide,” questionable “accidents,” — even if the case is closed), bury me just in case I need to be brought back up to answer some questions for the medical examiner.  Choose a simple metal casket, in a standard concrete vault, & skip the body viewing — that’ll save you an average of $5800.

• log in as me on facebook & tumblr & post this:

If you are reading this, I am dead.  <explain how i died>  I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, & I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

All you fine sexy bitches are welcome to come say hi to me at <funeral parlor> on <insert day> at <insert time>. You’ll be celebrating how awesome and productive I have lived my life and be like “damn, why did she have to die? She was just so fabulous” I request to have ratchet-ass music with a heavy bass, featuring songs like: ms. new booty, get low, low, etc. You get the drift. Play crappy music and I will come back to haunt you. 

• Post a last post on my tumblr for me that says: “The End.”

• If anyone who cares chooses to erect a memorial stone, i request that the epitaph read “No Comment.”

• you may choose to drink / smoke / both in my memory, as long as you have a Disney movie marathon while you’re tipsy and/or high as a muthabitch.